Unsent Letters

I have never learned to love the way people love away,
I find it hard to trust, to believe,
To find constancy of affection for any single being,
To love knowing you are true, intransient in every way.

All I ever did wish was to love, just once,
In such a way that I would be incapable of ever loving again,
That I would find love, a love which would be so irrevocably mine,
I would know it was mine with the first glance.

I loved you once, with a madness uncompared,
Then hated you more, a feeling more intense,
Then I found out how I felt nothing anymore,
You were dead, love was dead, my heart was spared.

Yet, now, when you are gone, gone forever,
I roll between the sheets worrying over things unsaid,
I see now, I am a part of you,
More than you were a part of me ever.

My heart aches, I weep under covers
Not thinking of you gets harder,
I dream of the days when were friends,
perhaps more, perhaps lovers.

And I see I am in love with you after all,
And I am too late again.