Tuesday, October 20, 2009

memories..


17:53 hrs IST, Tuesday, the 20th of October, 2009
There’s a political parade snaking its way forward on the lane in front of my house, the leaders shouting their voices raw with (the usual) “jobaab chaai, jobaab daao”s. I am standing on my balcony, looking at the throng of bodies, most of them in various stages of disinterestedness. Some, in fact, are casually laughing and chatting amongst themselves, as if they’re out on a leisurely evening walk. I am looking at them alright, and yet I am not.. The vision that forms in front of my eyes is of a sweltering July mid-afternoon, that time of the year when uncountable droplets of sweat form on the forehead and roll down to the chin faster than a handkerchief can be whipped out. I remember that procession very well, that group of students of all shapes and sizes, all streams and ages, all backgrounds and upbringings.. I remember the parched throats, the ringing slogans, the raging fires in the hearts of the hundred strong army of youth at 86/1, College Street.. I remember the awe that passers-by regarded us with, the look of surprise on the taxi-drivers’ faces at the sheer volume of our incensed voices, our frenzied clapping of hands, out stamping feet.. And as the train of people vanish round the bend, and as memories fade, one slogan lingers on.. “ Loraai loraai loraai chaai, / loraai korey baachte chaai ! / Ei loraai lorbe k ? / Tumi, aami, aabar k…

Monday, October 19, 2009

The Alphabet. (eh?)


{ Ok. First of all, credit where credit is due. The rest of this scribble is a word-to-word reproduction of a brilliant piece of comic relief I came across on the internet. I neither demand nor deserve credit for it. So, here goes… }

A is for ‘Awpheesh’ ( as in Office ). This is where the average Kolkattan goes and spends a day hard at work. If he works for the ‘West Bengal Government’ he will arrive at 10, wipe his forehead till 11, have a tea-break at 12, throw around a few files at 12:30, break for lunch at 1, smoke an unfiltered cigarette at 2, break for tea at 3, sleep sitting down at 4 and go home at 4:30. It’s a hard life !

B is for ‘Bhision’. For some reason, most Bengalees don’t possess ‘good bhision’. In fact, in Kolkata most people are wearing spectacles all the time…

C if for Chappell. This was once the Bengali word for the Devil, for the worst form of evil. At night, mothers have been known to put their kids to sleep saying, “Ghumiye poro, shona.. Naa ghumoley Chappell eshe dhore niye jaabe !! “

D is for Debashish. Or any other name starting with 'Deb'. By an ancient law, every fourth Bengalee child has to be named Debashish. So you have a Debashish everywhere and, trying to get creative, they are also called Deb, Debu, Deba with variations like Debanik, Deboprotim, Debojyoti etc. thrown in at times.

E is for ‘Eeesh’. This is a very common expression made famous by Aishwarya Rai in the movie ‘Devdas’. It’s estimated that on an average, a Bengalee – especially Bengalee women – use 'eeesh' 10,089 times each year. ‘Ei morechhey’ is a close second to ‘Eeesh’.

F is for ‘Feeesh’. These are creatures that swim in rivers and seas and are a favourite food of the Bengalees. Despite the fact that a fish market has such strong smells, with one sniff a Bengalee knows if a fish is all right. If not, he will say “ Eeesh, what feeesh is theesh !! “

G is for ‘Good name’. Every Bengalee boy will have a good name like Debashish or Deboprotim and a pet name like Motka, Bhombol, Thobla etc. Girls, on the other hand, have their ‘good name’s ranging from Priyanka to Sulagna and sport pet-names like Tia, Tuktuki, Mishti, Khuku etc.

H is for ‘Harmonium’. This is the Bengali equivalent to a rock guitar. Take four Bengalees and a harmonium and you have the successors of ‘The Bheatles’ !!

I is for “Ileesh’. This is a 'feesh' with 10,000 bones which would kill any ordinary person, but which the Bengalees eat with ‘rayleeesh’ !!

J is for ‘Jhola’. No self-respecting Bengalee is complete without his Jhola. It’s a shapeless cloth bag where he keeps all his belongings and he fits in an amazing number of things. Even as you read, there are 2 million jholas bobbling around Kolkata.. and they ALL look EXACTLY THE SAME !! Note that ‘Jhol’ as in ‘Macchher Jhol’ finishes a close second.

K is for ‘Kee Kaando!’ It used to be the favourite expression until ‘eeesh’ took over.

L is for ‘Lungi’ – the dress for all occasions. People in Kolkata manage to play football and cricket wearing it, not to mention the daily morning trip to the local bazaar ! Now, there’s talk of a ‘Lungi expedition’ to the Mt. Everest !!

M is for ‘Minibus’. These are dangerous half-buses whose antics would effortlessly frighten the living daylights out of all James Bond stuntmen as well as Formula 1 race car drivers.

N is for ‘Nangto’. This is the Bengali word for ‘naked’. It’s the most interesting naked word in any language !

O is for Oil. The Bengalees believe believe that a touch of mustard oil will cure anything from cold (oil in the nose), to earache (oil in the ear), to cough (oil in the throat) to piles (oil you-know-where !)

P is for ‘Phootball’. This is always a 'phavourite phassion' of the Kolkattan. Every Bengalee is born an expert in this game. The two biggest clubs are Mohun Bagan and East Bengal and, when they play, the city comes to a stop.

Q is for Queen. {There’s nothing that this had to do with either the Bengalees or Kolkata, but it’s the only ‘Q’-word I could think of at this moment. There’s also ‘Quilt’, but they never use them in Kolkata. }

R is for 'Robi Thakur'. Many many years ago, Rabindranath got the Nobel prize. This has given the right to all Bengalees, no matter where they are, to frame their acceptance speeches as if they were directly related to the great poet and walk with their head held high. This also gives Bengalees the birthright to look down on Delhi and Mumbai, and of course, all ‘non-Bengalees’ ! Special mention must also be made of ‘Rawshowgolla’, which finishes second.

S is for 'Shourav'. Now that they finally produced a genuine cricketer and a captain, Bengalees think that he should be allowed to play until he is 70 yrs old. Of course they will see to it that he stays in good form by doing a little bit of ‘joggo’ and ‘maanot’.

T is for Tram. Hundred years later, there are still trams in Kolkata. Of course if you are in a hurry, it’s faster to walk.

U is for ‘Aambrella’.

V is for ‘Bhaayolence’. Bengalees are the most non-violent people around. When an accident happens, they’ll fold up their sleeves, shout, scream (and curse and abuse) “ Chherey de bolchhi !! “, but the last time someone actually hit someone was in 1979.

W is for Water. For 3 months of the year, the city is underwater and every year for the last 200 years the authorities are taken by surprise by this !

X is for X’mas. It’s very big in Kolkata, with Park Street fully lit up and all Bengalees agree that they must eat cake that day.

Y is for ‘Yesshtaarday’. Which is always better than today for a Bengalee.

Z is for Jebra,Jipper and Jylophone.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Presi Days- Looking Back

After a year of anxiety, 2 months of touring the country, a day of heartbreak and 20 days of sheer depression, here i am, scribbling something perhaps rather immaterial on a blog page where i thought i might be ashamed to write on again...

It's been about 3 months since i left home, 2 months since i left calcutta for the place i really really wanted to be in. Presidentians dream big... i dunno if it's talent or just luck that most of them end up to be pretty well settled.

A month before coming to IGIDR, Ritika and me were at HCU- awesome campus, perhaps good teachers but i hated it there. Dunno why exactly- there were too many reasons. But it was mostly i guess the fact that the people around lacked the antel way if dressing that we are used to. Well, don't get me wrong- i just mean to say, irrespective of the pathetic sense of fashion we Kolkatans have (ya now i can say that coz am in mumbai n in a slightly higher fashion plane), there was a charm in the way Presi people carried themselves and that wasn't present in even 1 person out of a batch of about 80 there. There were people conversing non-stop in Malayli n Tamil and yes, no telugu. The food sucked big time... In short, you find nothing good when you are in a sad set of mind.

Then on one of those lazy yet tired worn out yet karenge ya marenge afternoons, IGIDR happened. Perhaps you all know this is where i wanted to come to coz i thought the academic pressure would be the least here and the corporate jobs really good!!

It's been 2 months, am where i wanted to be, involved in the Placement Committee, perhaps doing what i would wanna do a year back. But still there's a void. When i talk about Marx, people don't argue with me. When a Prof cracks and intelligent joke, Ritika and i are the only people who laugh and get stared at. The innocent jokes which seemed hilarious when Dipu narrated them now seem to be a pain. Some sarcastic comments that i used to expect people would understand are either not taken no note of or are taken in a straight way. Mind you, i'm in one of the country's best academic institutes... still wondering what academics really counts for.

At times i miss the presi politics, not coz i wanna make a political career but coz i wanna know more n the whole learning seems so incomplete without Ritam da's cool way of explaining, Rakesh da's hyperactive self or Sayantan da's passion in whatever he said with Dipu cracking a suicidal joke in the middle of no where.

Presi happens just once... Presi is fun, Presi is home... it's where we belong- perhaps people call me a pseudointellectual snob here but for once am being true... very very true. It's in our blood, we can't do away with it... once a Presidentian, always a Presidentian

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Ode to Statistics Paper 7, Group A

While you were there, smug and grinning
Out of that detested green notebook of mine,
When days were hard and heads were spinning,
And all I would is mope and whine.

Dismal days, mournful evenings, terrible nights,
(Mornings I would sleep unheeding),
Who knew heteroscedasticity could create such frights
And all one could say is bloomin' and bleedin'.

I would gaze at the formulae perplexed,
Classifying most derivations as miracles of God,
I would walk about harried and vexed,
Could hardly give it up, would not plod.

Ah those precious winter noons,
Now never return to memory or weather,
When explained MLEs were boons,
To forced testings myself I would tether.

You were my nemesis, my curse,
My Everest, unconquered, unvanquished.
You still look so forbidding, so terse,
Like those dukes who so languished.

Now that you are gone, I wander about lost,
Slightly bemused, mostly confused,
You gave me purpose, like warmth to frost,
You hide now like a madman accused.

I sing my woes, paint my toes,
Lurk around curtains, scare sneaking cats,
You and I may have come almost to blows,
But hating you gave life a meaning, do I sound bats?

I still do not understand correlation,
Never really read up Durbin Watson test,
Left the pages on auto correlation,
Econometrics makes me feel like a disliked guest.

I might be back again with you in weeks,
Or may not if luck favours,
I still owe you much, the guilt reeks,
The heart says you are a fool, the mind wavers.

The truth is I am witlessly, mind numbingly bored,
So bored, for even you I pine,
I await for sense, until then thoughts are to be ignored
I am all right really, not insane yet, completely fine.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Why do i call myself stinky

Stinky as the name suggests means someone who is stinking .But why would would a sane,sensible smart,intelligent human being call itself stinky.One reason is I hate wasting water and bathing I consider as a luxury.But theres another reason for it.Its a wonderful pseudonym to have if I want to bull shit the whole world without harming my identity.For identity is an important thing .There are high chances of me becoming the prime minister of India ,or may be even Jaapaan(read jaaapaaan).And I definitely wouldn't malign my identity as the Prime Mean-ister of Jaapaan(P.S. am planning to dethrone the monarchy there) by suggesting such controversial ideas to save water as water saving shitting strategies.So let "stinky" denote "me" (staistics hereto) and me is a totally randon erratic constant parameter with infinite degrees of freedom .Please do not attempt to establish a regression model here .Estimation is impossible and error compnents are serially autocorrelated.U(t)=pU(t-1) + E(t) ,where p tends to infinty and shows explosive behavior.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I am getting lazy about blogging properly. Unpresidented is a good way to blow off some steam.

Sometimes, writing something, anything, seems therapeutic. I am glad blogging exists. If today was thanksgiving, I would be thankful for it.

I have nothing else to say.

Actually, I do have plenty to say, but I am a very lazy blogger.

Monday, March 30, 2009

I plan to use this as a journal

Dear Unpresidented,

I am a fool.
What is more, I think I am enjoying being a fool.
I wish there was a way I could stop but this time, it overpowers not even sanity, but even unhealthy levels of insanity.
You, I hate you. You do not know that.

I am tired. And disgruntled.

I think I need a paperback journal again, blogging is just not the same thing.

Love
Ria

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Do see beyond the anger

I wish someone understood,
How much the head aches,
Little shivers of hatred,
Courses through your veins,
Why bouts of nausea
Winds about your lungs,
Why sheer reluctance
Overpowers every sense,
The sight, the sound, the thought
Sends you down spirals of angst,
Why morbidity is heightened,
Why the only feeling left is rage,
You see, do not you,
It is not you I hate.
Just something else.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

I probably have some unresolved rage issues.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Devilry

And, sometimes, you do run out of words.

It is hard to arrange mental incoherence into sensible sentences.

All you can want, at two in the night, is a little sense, and try not to submerge under the wave of sheer desperation and longing. With the advent of midnight, your mind is possessed by a soul bewitched, and things tug at your heart, heartless, ruthless, cunning and crazy.

This is not it, you are just in the throes of an obsession. The real thing is far more beautiful, far more magical, far more heartrending.

Yet, it is midnight. Things do not make sense. You are just grateful, that someone else did. Yet, this does not gladden. There is a purposeless rage, you feel thwarted, there is a sense of hurt.

It shall be morning soon, and it will bring forth rationality.

Yet, there is a certain unmitigated joy in this purposeless, hopeless madness. You have been bewitched by midnights, and you submit yourself to it.

You can not resist magic.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Ab apni man pasand caller tunes bilkul muft...!!!

Morning 4.12 am: Dhol baje! Dhol baaje.. Range barse...  Call kijiye 5123444 pe aur apke man pasand gana set kijiye free mein! Call charges Rs 6 prati minute!!

An exasperated me calling the customer care:

Me: Hi! Could you tell me how to stop spam calls. I get calls asking me to subscribe for callertunes all through the day...
Customer Care Rep (CCR): Shoo ma'am you dont want caller tune calls?
Me: Exactly
CCR: Toh note kijiye "START DND" and send to 1909... Will take 45 days to get activated. 45 days baad aapko koi calls nai ayenge!
Me (bemused at "koi calls nai" but supressing) : 45 days!!!! You know that's 1.5 months!!! :O
CCR: Yes maam
Me: No other way?
CCR: Yes maam
Me: Yes?! You mean no.. ok. If I set a caller tune would you stop disturbing?
CCR: No Maam!!

Monday, February 9, 2009

This college speaks!!!





Reminisicing Presi Elections

I don't care anymore who says what... For the n-th time in Presi, today I feel liberated. I won competitions writing about college politics but it's so strange... 3 years ago I was a different being! And all these incidents relate to my best friends... Strange but true!!

1st year college elections:

  • Aritree din't have her id card and SFI declined to recognize her as a college student.
  • I saw Scottish people climbing the Presi main gate into the college while the counting was on. It was scary when Pushan da n Sourya da climbed up the gate n threatened everyone...

2nd year college elections: (By now I was confirmed for IC.)

  • Raj da was house arrested.

3rd year college elections: (By now I wonder how how how we still don't have a good opposition in the state... enough of these pseudo communists!!! Enough of their strange manupulative dictatorial regime!!! x-( )

  • Arindam gets a threat call- if he comes to vote, consequences will take a toll on him!!!
I keep telling people, I believe nothing other than what I see. But why is it what what I see is just the violent side of SFI n never IC?? Chitra says coz of imprefect information... My whole house is red!!! They have best ways of convincing me, giving me proofs or even narrate incidents when IC went so dirty. I wanted to know!! I went to them! I talked to them!!! They couldn't say anything, couldn't prove anything. They just had said "Why is IC not taking steps in having the xerox center reopened?"

I went to Sayantan da (our G. Sec then for those who don't know.) He showed me a paper cutting of the tender ad that had come out n SFI wasn't even informed of it!!! What kinda opposition are those who dunno what the party in power does????


Finally before leaving college, whether IC wins or loses this election... I really want an answer!! What kind of politics does SFI practice?? Just abduction n attempt to win? (Hats off to your organizational skills though.. but then that has to be given the pyramidal party structure!) For once.. for once lemme believe in what I believed before I entered Presi- "Who's IC? SFI is the only option to choose!!"

Saturday, January 31, 2009

A little of what is going on in here

Sometimes, the thing you want to write most about is the very thing you want no one else to read. You want to write it down, with loops and flourishes, or perhaps chicken scratched on a piece of waste paper, fold it up, stuff it inside a drawer and then never ever remember it.

Or perhaps tear it up in shreds and hide it in the lane behind the college.

Dear college, you haven of secret whispers and dreams. You are a warm hug, you are my solace and sanctuary, my friend, my first love, my constant love, and, as I once promised you, my most favourite place on earth.

Darling, darling Presi, you shall always be my most favourite place on earth, wherever I end up going.

Friday, January 30, 2009

My Love My Presidency

The dry soft leaves that touch my skin,
The moist wet sweat that hangs on my chin,
The dust that chooses to travel to my class,
The dew that smiles when i pass those blades of grass,
The huge staircase where netaji fell,
The smoky canteen where lives dwell,
The corners and turnings where strangers meet,
The wide open doors where waiting moms seat,
The air that rings with the laughter of youth,
The fields that welcome all to play and hoot,
The wide open corridors where winds can sigh,
The patches of beautiful green against the free sky.
Every block of stone holds its special place,
Patiently serving the edifice and its space.
The huge campus so overwhelmingly my own,
This is the tree that my predecessors had sown,
As every moment spent here passes by,
As every single day goes,
I love the place ever more,
Drinking every drop this paradise pours...............

Thursday, January 29, 2009

moments

Solitary journeys and yet the unquenchable desires to hold on to people you meet along the road of life…………

Moments are sometimes so deeply etched in our memories that we fail 2 see above them. Moments, that precious lil secs v keep hoping to experience again .Like the first time you walk in the rain with your love, Or those days far away from home in d company of strangers who provide u the comfort of two big teddy bears by letting u sleep cozily between them .Or the first train journey without your parents and the whole amount of sauce u drip on your food, my tomato ketchup never tasted so good and possibly never will. The day I went to my new friends almost at d other end of the city for a “Study session” and spent the whole day sharing lil secrets, and another time when I went to another frds place simply to kill some time in the name of studies walking around some engineering college. And yet another instance of “sex chats “in the open college field staring at the sky, Or having ice creams and teaching my friends how to kiss it in the process ,or drink lemon tea as if it was ambrosia……….



Sometime feel and wish life would just be collection of these happy moments.:-)

Why Recessions are not the Best Times to Marry

  1. You dunno when your partner is kicked out of the job and the poverty line seems attainable.
  2. You dunno the real income of your partner till better times- adjusting the inflation figures to recession situations are not a good idea!!
  3. Bullion markets are on a high- so you can never satisfy your in-laws with gold. ;) (Besides, why lose out on something like more gold when the prices are low?)
  4. If you get married during a recession and have kids during a boom, by the time they are 4-5 years, we'll reach another recession- could reduce the generation gap...

The other day someone sent a sms "The recession has struck so bad that women are now marrying for love." Here's earnestly hoping that you girls (n yaa boys too), know what to do with it!!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Unsent Letters

I have never learned to love the way people love away,
I find it hard to trust, to believe,
To find constancy of affection for any single being,
To love knowing you are true, intransient in every way.

All I ever did wish was to love, just once,
In such a way that I would be incapable of ever loving again,
That I would find love, a love which would be so irrevocably mine,
I would know it was mine with the first glance.

I loved you once, with a madness uncompared,
Then hated you more, a feeling more intense,
Then I found out how I felt nothing anymore,
You were dead, love was dead, my heart was spared.

Yet, now, when you are gone, gone forever,
I roll between the sheets worrying over things unsaid,
I see now, I am a part of you,
More than you were a part of me ever.

My heart aches, I weep under covers
Not thinking of you gets harder,
I dream of the days when were friends,
perhaps more, perhaps lovers.

And I see I am in love with you after all,
And I am too late again.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Why "bad" girls prefer bed boys.....umm srry bad boys

Scene:Its an overnight train and MrG(goody good boy) is sitting on the window seat.Across him is seated MissD.("bad" girl)

Miss D:24x7 foreplay,hmm....
Mr.G:Oh this is my brother's t-shirt,couldn't find anything else so had to put this on.
Miss D :HUh! k ( as if am supposed to believe that)
But U sure can help me with it.I mean give me some tips .
Mr.G : UMm ,wait a sec,Ive got a book on it .
opens his bag and pulls out a book in a flourish.
You can read it here .hands over the book
Miss d: sigh


Miss D: Ive read the book .Can you give me some practical demonstrations.(naughty smile on face)
Mr.G :here in the train! umm ,If you don't mind giving me your email id i cud just send you some flv files(shy smile).
Miss D:Sigh,no

A few more minutes elapse ,miss d comes and sits beside Mr.G .She tries to get cozy.Mr G. wants to get cozy too but is feeling embarrassed.She starts unbuttoning his shirt,he is red with pleasure.
Mr.G:no!wait !stop!Don't touch me.
Miss D: now what?
Mr.G:suppose we get carried away and you proceed from foreplay to action and by chance you get seeded while we make love(Good boys just can't call a spade, a spade) Then you will end up hurting yourself emotionally and physically and blame me all your life.I have to take some precaution so...
Miss D:eyebrows raised
Mr.G:tears out a piece of paper from his note book and writes:

Mr.G is in no manner responsible for the events that have occurred on 11.1.09 .I ........................
,hereby declare that I take full responsibility of my actions and the consequences that may follow.At no point of time in future will Mr.G be compelled to fulfill obligations that may spring out of the course that I have chosen to take.I am emotionally and financially independent and responsible for myself.

Mr.G:Hmm,this sounds official enough.Please sign on the dotted line before you proceed to do anything with me.
Miss D: signs.Now can I proceed.
Mr.G: looks at his watch.Am hungry ,dinner time ! Miss.D stares on dolefully as Mr.G gobbles down each mouthful of vegetables curled around pieces of chapatis.
Mr.G :burp,oops am feeling sleepy .Im climbing onto the upperbirth to sleep.If your still interested then you can come up too ,I hardly realize what I do in sleep.
Winks ,I like woman on top position.



After just having given one ,Im fresh with memories of spending 1.5 hrs pencil shading on a thick white sheet printed with pink circles and instructions.

Pros
1.Professors don't have to go through bad handwriting and shocking answers.They can Of course choose to put in funny options for a bit of humor in their humongous lives.
2.Students can play games like "eenie meenie minee moe".Its both relieveing and accurate at 5% level of singnificance.Ok make it 25% for the unlucky folks out there .
3.
a)This is one format that gives a better scope to cheat.But one has to be really really careful with the sequence.
b) Easier to cheat since your "helper" just needs to point out the correct option.You can make good use of fingers and even indulge in some stretching exercises while doing this.
4.If you finish shading the whole thing early.You can always make the shading darker.Dark black holes on a white pink printed sheet.Reminds me of those being abused in the name of love.

Cons
1.Professors dont get to read funny answers.Students are not allowed to be "creative"
eg.Q)How does amoeba catch its prey?
ans)In the wee hours of daylight when the sun has just come out.Little Amoeba steps out of its den.Like a skilled hunter it cautiously follows its prey.It suddenly grabs its prey from behind and with one sharp stroke the prey is killed by the swift amoeba.The end.
2.People with good handwritings don't get a better score.Some people are Ofcourse happy with this(read.............. umm ok dont read).
3.People with Luckier stars get undue advantage.