Child Abuse- A Reality Check

When I read about so many writings on Child Abuse, all that I find missing is the soul. It is indeed easy to talk, easy to be angry, easy to loathe the abuser or be sympathetic to the victim. But what it is not easy to be is to think from a victim’s shoes. When we talk of child abuse, we say we feel for the child and what impact it will have on the innocent heart. But what I care more for is what happens to the victim in future…

The worst part perhaps is that those who have never been victimized are the ones who write about it and the victims are so withdrawn in to themselves that they find it tough to come across and pen down the violence. Recently I had read a book, Bitter Chocolate by Pinki Virani. I could not read it through… in fact the authoress had mentioned particularly that victims of child abuse should not read the book. It indeed can bring back a lot of tormenting memories.

Another very common thing I find is when victims write about their own experiences, they impersonate and try to put the hurt and the torment as far from them as possible, preferably speaking in the third person. Nothing wrong in that- I understand no one tries to remember such experiences. But what bothers me is that they are ashamed to come clear of it in public. My question is- why? If a child faced abuse, it really was not his/her fault! The abusers search for preys within the family or neighborhood. And how can you possibly suspect everyone whom you are close to? Perhaps you should… I definitely would. But it really is not very plausible. Even if it is anyone’s fault other than the abuser’s, it perhaps the child’s parents or guardians! So, there is no reason why you should be ashamed of yourself!

This again reminds me of the hypocritical society that we live in! When we hear of a child victimized, we sympathize… These are not cases where sympathy is needed- these are cases where you should empathize, be understanding, shower a little love. But where is that? We deliver long speeches, we loath abusers, we freak out- but how many of you would actually think of choosing a life partner who has been a victim of child abuse? A hundred thoughts start creeping in- he/she can never be your “ideal” life partner. Are you living in an ideal society by the way?

Finally and most importantly, please do let the victims grow… evolve within themselves, help them realize they are normal, they were unlucky, but life will not coagulate for them. Most of the victims find it difficult when it comes to relationships- insecurity and fear are only very common symptoms. But it is your- all of our duty to make life as normal for them as possible. Being normal does not mean sympathizing! Being normal means how you would be with me if you had no clue that I was a victim of child abuse… Trust me, that is all that they need…